Woman’s refusal to attend parents’ anniversary party divides family (2024)

A woman has been defended online after she refused to attend her parents’ 30th anniversary party if her estranged brother was there.

In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole” Reddit forum, the woman acknowledged that she’s been estranged from her older brother – who she referred to as Mark – for more than five years. She explained that while they used to be close as children, their relationship “deteriorated when he stole” $25,000 from her.

“Without going into too much detail, Mark was going through a rough patch and convinced me to lend him a large sum of money, which he promised to pay back within a year,” she wrote. “I agreed because he was family, and I trusted him. But he never paid me back.”

According to the Reddit user, her brother “blew up” at her when she confronted him about the money, claiming that she was “selfish” and “didn’t care about his struggles.” She also noted that the conversation then turned “into a huge fight” and the pair haven’t spoken since.

The woman claimed that over the last five years, her brother has “refused to apologize” or “even acknowledge that he did anything wrong.” As a result, her parents have not only been “stuck in the middle,” but their children’s issues have “put a strain on [their] family.” However, they were still trying to plan a party with both of their children, which upset the Reddit user.

“My parents are planning a big celebration for their 30th wedding anniversary and they’ve invited both me and Mark. When I saw the WhatsApp group I was shocked to see that Mark was included,” she wrote. “I called my parents to talk about it, and they told me they’re hoping this party could be an opportunity for us to reconcile. They think enough time has passed and that we should stop ‘acting like kids,’ as my mother said.”

After expressing to her parents that she was “really upset” by their decision to invite her brother, the woman informed them that she was “still hurt” by her brother’s actions and that she was “not ready to be in the same room as him.” Still, her parents tried to encourage their daughter to change her mind.

“I told them that if Mark is going to be there, I won’t be attending. My parents were disappointed and tried to convince me to reconsider, saying that family is more important than money and that holding onto grudges won’t do anyone any good,” she continued. “They said it would break their hearts if one of us wasn’t at their anniversary party.”

She acknowledged that since the conversation, her parents have “been distant with” her and she doesn’t “want to cause them any more pain.” Nevertheless, she wanted to stick by her decision to skip the party if her brother was there.

“I also don’t want to be forced into a situation where I have to pretend everything is fine with Mark when it’s not,” she concluded. “My friends are divided on this – some think I’m right to stand my ground, while others think I’m being too stubborn and should go for the sake of my parents.”

The Reddit post has quickly gone viral, with more than 2,000 upvotes. In the comments, multiple people defended the woman’s decision to skip the party because of her brother, given the fact that he stole a lot of money from her and hasn’t apologized for it.

“Your parents can invite whom they like and an invitation is not a summons. You are entitled not to go, and they are entitled to be upset by it. Why does their happiness mean more than yours?” one user wrote. “Why is it only you who needs to change? Mark is unapologetic and has not paid back the money. How do you reconcile with someone who has no remorse and therefore demonstrates they would behave the same way again?”

“He hasn’t apologized. He hasn’t paid you back. There is no reconciliation or forgiveness without AT LEAST that happening,” another person said.

While criticizing Mark’s behavior, some readers gave their advice on how to handle the situation, suggesting ways that the woman could go to the party without speaking to her brother.

“I wonder if you could go but have your parents tell Mark not to talk to you at all? That way, you both get time with family but don’t interact,” one comment read.

“You certainly don’t have to be in the same room with him,” another responded. “Your parents aren’t being a**holes for inviting both of you. Maybe as a very kind gesture on your part you can offer to be there for the first hour, say your hellos to their guests, then quietly slip out and your brother can be there for the rest. That way if he shows up at any point you have the power to calmly and quietly leave.”